new years resolutions

so far..

stop buying clothes
expand my vocabulary
wash my car once a week
donate some time to charitable causes
paint more


that's it so far.

note to self

things to buy (even though i am not allowed to after those chanel sunglasses):

eley kishimoto spider print socks
nice black t shirt
baby pink patent dr martens (8 holes)

more to come

where the white boys at?

so do you know anything about Marx's theory of historical materialism? shit, neither do i. when you think school cannot get any more boring, you take Econ 331, Economies in Transition, and you realize, shit, it can.

h&m opens this friday. i work 2-11. im kind of excited. im also kind of sad because i work at one of those h&ms that dont have all the cute shit. it's mediocre, at best. great.

romans sold nightrain to me last week and they didn't even card me! scandalous! it probably helped that I went in with Jess and he knows her, but still. The man there used to sell nightrain to Axl. That made it THAT much more appealing!! We also found two nice chairs on the street so we took them. I hope no one peed in them. ew!

I'm taking a permanent vacation from men and being nice. And at this moment, I am praying that I find the willpower to complete my two essays for my econ class, and my study guide, and then study for my statistics test that is tomorrow as well. SHTI SHIT SHIT JGDKJH

cant always get what you want

1. sass and bide black indian tale jeans. dani told this man at the cafe once that she liked his pants and he was wearing them and lied and said they were vintage and he didnt know where they were from. liar

i had to write it before i forgot!

give me all your gold

im falling back in love with the world and im loving it!

i got the soundtrack to me you and everyone we know the other day and i took the tollroad to school and got lost in the fog and the music was playing and it was amazing. it was like the movie of my life. and on a joyride by cody chesnutt? i usually hate shit like that but i dont hate it. i love it!

i bought a betsey johnson punk label black one piece bustier thing on ebay. it was kinda like those balenciaga onesie things from like 2 years ago. so i put it in the washer. and pulled it out in shreds. AWESOME. it sucked!

i got some girls cause i couldnt get 'beast of burden' outta my head and the entire album makes me so happy! and i saw rock and roll circus today with victor and that was so good too! and we had so much fun today and that made me happy too. and i bought these smart puffs from henrys cause i thought it was pirates booty, but they were not-that-bad-for-you cheetos. yum! i ate the entire bag in 10 minutes though. once a fatass, always a fatass.


i start h&m on saturday and i am sooo excited! i promised i would stop buying lots of small retarded things like i like to do (80s prince purple rain carnival mirrors, im looking at you) and buy one awesome thing, like chloe silverado platforms. im hoping since they are a couple seasons old now, i can get them at a steep discount. the day i spend $800 on shoes.. well that will be a joyous day





they are the prettiest things i have ever seen.. next to my current obsessions:

who the fuck would make amazing sandals like this other than marc jacobs. i want to wear these and smoke cigarettes while wearing them. that would make me the steeziest lady ever. next to..


irina lazareanu. why is she so perfect? looking at her makes me want to bring back the bangs, but i always end up looking like joey ramone. maybe next time, it will be different, i keep thinking. i can only pray. i want to do the nico/penelope tree/cher thing, so ill have another go at it. im still young. anyway, i decided when im getting married im going to wear this chanel haute couture ensemble. ive got the dress, all i need is the groom. izzy?

i know these miu miu baroque wedges are old too, but i hope i can get this at a discount too. how the fuck are ebay sellers still trying to sell these badboys for $600?? i guess cause it's art and fashion at the same time. i bet if i wore these, someone would steal me and put me in a museum. they are that great.



isnt this mini dress the best? it reminds me of this dress in the new chloe spring ads, and then of course, while i was so close to winning it, i was miraculously outbid. shit shit shit!! i love the ruffles and the buttons and the velvet. we could have been so happy together..


I know i dont have anyone to wear this for, but me in this anna sui cami would be bomb. thats right, i just used "bomb." i would wear it over a slip and just wear it, it is so pretty.



and last but not least, this wonderful betsey johnson dress i have been lusting for a week on ebay. no one EVER bids on betsey johnson shit on ebay. i guess she just isnt in high demand, unless it's the alley cat or punk label stuff. but this dress was going to be mine, and id wear it with my 40 hole docs and leather jacket and a sneer. we were going to conquer the world, me and this dress. and then some fucker outbid me. i hate you!



it went for around $250 and im guessing it was from the mid nineties. what is wrong with the world?

i swear most of this shit i have bid on on ebay and someone is cyber stalking me to outbid me on everything i want. and then i end up winning the shit im not crazy about. im going to find that person, and burn down their parents house while they sleep.

but i want to start saving 200 dollars a month so i have enough money to put in a cd so it's away from my sweaty paws.

and a subscription to womens wear daily ($124)


and some karen walker tv eye sunglasses ($300)


and getting my ipods battery replaced ($80)


and finally paying off the last of my american express bill ($700, down from $2500)


fuck! im not made of money!


especially with my h&m discount and first pick at all the lovely designer knock offs... this is going to be tough. to say the least.

lust for life/shopping/acquiring trash

jesus! how am i supposed to save money when there are so many goodies in the world?

that LRG dead serious sweater is so cool. im just sad because they dont make it in anything smaller than a mens medium, so its our for me, but if i was cool and shit, i would totally wear it. the eyes are see through so you can zip it up all the way and terrorize whoever lies within your path undercover without them being able to pick you out in a line up. and it has a gold grill!! this is painful!

I am in love with these betsey johnson wedges. they remind me of the apartment of that rich lady in "An American in Paris." i keep trying to come up with what i can pair these bad boys with in my closet so i can not feel so bad about making this purchase. but they are so pretty i feel like i can frame them, and that would be enough. i would like to drink my coffee in the morning and just look at them. they are 175 on sale. maybe i will wait until they become 125.

i want these badly. they are tara subkoff for easy spirit and i dont know, the shape is giving me the willies. and i like it. not as amazing as those super high gladiator sandals she made from way back when that everyone told me not to buy, because they are assholes and that is the biggest mistake i ever made, but bitchin nonetheless.

i just bought this gorgeous vintage black one piece betsey johnson boustier. i hope i dont look like an asshole in it. i need to get rich, or marry rich. shit

buyers remorse

i am so excited! i just put my name on the waiting lists at two macys to get that new sparkly hologram chanel nail polish. ive been trying to make a big effort to not spend money lately, but really, as long as i pay my bills, who gives a shit? my goal is to save 200 dollars a month. i dont know what im going to spend it on, but by the end of the year i want a couple thousand saved up. i used to have lots of money saved, but i spent it on junk. im lame.

i want to save up some money to visit julia in florida come may or june, when school is over. hopefully i hit all my sales goals at the bank so i get a big bonus and i can use it for that and to go to new york with victor.

oh victor victor victor. we were talking about going to new york together again but since he paid for me last time, i would have to get his ticket and we would go 50/50 on the hotel. i would love to go to new york again. i miss it so much. all the people and the shopping. and this time i want to see ellis island and go to little italy and check out the fashion walk of fame on 7th and spend some more time somewhere rad like greenwich village. at least if we go he can never hold that over my head again. i hate that shit.

i hung out with him last week and we had so much fun. we went out to dinner and shit and had some strange experiences but i dont remember laughing so hard with him for such a long time. in a couple of months, it's going to be a year since we have been together. it's weird to even think that especially since we still hang out and i dont know, still do all the retarded shit we always do like sit on the same side of the table and snuggle and everything. i miss him so much sometimes but there is nothing i can do. i dont want to like anyone else and i cant and even talking to other boys makes me feel guilty cause i know my heart is with him. oh well. there is nothing i can do i guess.

i just get so mad cause it's like what the fuck victor. you tell me you still love me and then act suprised when i get sad about this kind of stuff. he knows exactly what he does that hurts my feelings and that pisses me off the most. i hope i see him tomorrow. ill pull his leg hair.

its raining outside and im so happy im home. i have four tests this week and i should be studying, but im thinking about doing some damage to the brownies i have in the refrigerator. the heater is on, a marathon of the real housewives of orange county is on, and ive got my fluffy robe on and my hair is dirty. so perfect. i just hope it doesnt rain tomorrow when i have to go up to la. people drive like assholes enough, but for some reason, they really kick it into high gear when it starts to rain. shit. well, back to the television like a fat ass.

we could have been so happy together

there are lots of things on ebay that i get excited about. but most of the time, nothing really takes my breath away. that is.. until i uncovered some gorgeous early 90s chanel sunglasses and a bernhard willhelm dinosaur skirt. i was so excited and ready to put myself into debt for these rare treasures and then of course, i end up getting outbid. shit!! that makes me so angry. i was looking at all the other stuff that the other bidders were bidding on, and i wanted to outbid them just to ruin their day, like they ruined mine. but i got scared. next time. gypsies




it brings a tear to my eye. i got to hang out with the lovely twins lucy and clara last night before lucy packs up and flies away to korea for six months. we had a chocolate chip calzone at claim jumper and much to my dismay, a really awful lemon bar brulee. lucy said if you email and complain, they send you a gift certificate. interesting.. and quite tempting!

my favorite song in the world right now is hong kong garden by siouxsie and the banshees. they play it all the time at betsey johnson because she used it in her fall fashion show that they play over and over again and now i cant get it out of my head. better than fergie though, and much less embarassing.

i got a call from hm the other day. interviews for part time are going to start being set up next week. im so excited. i hope i can con them into liking me. so far, so good. ive always had a way with the ladies!!!

sometimes

you just got to say fuck it. no matter what you do and what you think you can do, sometimes somethings are beyond your repair. and all you got to say, is fuck it. it's so hard to just let it be because you think, maybe this time it will be different. and it never is. and you never stop being hurt because there is that glimmer of false hope that looms in the distance, ominously. you think people are different, that others dont know them like you do. that is all bullshit. people are different in fact, but not for the better. building them up in your mind is only going to hurt you more when they fall from grace. to all this, i say fuck it. fuck putting yourself in a position to get hurt. we all do it to ourselves and then when we do in fact get hurt, it's someone else's fault. accepting responsibility for feeling like this is fucked too. fuck trying, and fuck believing that things can turn out for the better, than it can turn out otherwise. there are so many wonderful things in this world, why get so caught up in the bad stuff, right? why do we forget about the good things when there are so many and one bad thing can just come and fuck it all up? i hope one day i can look back at all this and laugh.

let me just say this

saturday was such a lovely day. in the morning, i went to long beach and got new tires on my car and breakfast with my dad. bomb! then i headed up to jess's house and picked up jess and gloria.

at first, i was so scared about the bbq because i thought it was going to be a bro fest. but i was wrong! it was a sausage fest! right when we drove up, this little kid fell off of his scooter, and at that moment, as we all drove by him and laughed at his misfortune, i knew it would be a good day.

the bbq was so weird because everywhere we went, everyone would disappear! we would sit on a bench and then all the people would leave. we observed the most crooked tree you would ever see in your life. you know what's weird? there is so much random little shit around the world that if you just don't stop and look around at what's around you, you'll miss it!

we hung out in black pearl and put the air freshner on the roof and i forgot it there when i made a quick getaway when the 5-0 rolled into town. i ran over a banana (it looked like the warhol one, whatta trip) and it exploded all over my car and scared me so bad!

we went to the house and can you believe it, we did keg stands. none of us ever did it before, but i swear, if you saw us, you would think we were naturals.

we've always been the classiest of broads.

charlie was there! max was there! it felt like camping all over again, especially with the big tree in the corner. we talked and talked all night. it sounded like a chicken coop in there! everyone had something to say that was so epic that they would interrupt the other one. "wait wait let me just say this"

im so sad julia is leaving. last night made me think about all the good times from back in the day and all the good times that we missed out on when we werent friends for a while. that was sad but im happy that everyone said what they needed to say. me gloria and jess are gonna go visit julia in florida and it is going to be rad!

the toxic triplets

i woke up feeling so bad today. too bad for breakfast. hollywood, home, then sleep until 4:30. that's gross. i start school tomorrow! that shit is going to suck!

i applied for the h&m opening at the irvine spectrum. i hope i get it and peace out on wells! yay!!

just shoot me

so i know i was supposed to be controlling my spending and shit... but wow! i love all the vintage betsey johnson punk label shit.. and i love guns. what could be better? none of these end for another five days. shit! i hope i win!

today was another unproductive day at work. i think people are seeing through the cheery facade the awful human being that i am. oh well, we are all human. except for maxine nightingale, cause her song "right back where we started from" is too good to be from this planet!

it makes me want to dance like i got spiders in my pants, and i really like that.

i saw the jeremy scott/tsubi collaboration in the new nylon. jesus, zebra print skinny overalls?! holy shit, by next month, i will be a poor poor woman.

im going out to sushi tomorrow for ommid's birthday. i love going out to eat with my parents cause then you can eat whatever you want and get appetizers and desserts and not pay. that is the best!

things i want

i have a really bad shopping addiction. i am so good for a couple of months and then i left myself go just a weee bit and then im fucked again. balls! so i compose a list of things that i really really want and then for a couple of months, try to do everything in my power to not purchase anything outside of the list:

january/february list:
black riding boots with buckle details
puple and black nike dunks
thigh high boots
chanel no. 5 earrings, the one samantha wears in sex and the city
marimeko samosonite luggage
betsey johnson floral hot pants
camel trenchcoat


and that is it.. for now. i hope i can stick to it!!

jan 17, 2007

well yesterday was my first day interning at betsey johnson, and needless to say, it was amazing.

i was so proud of myself in the morning because i got up and got ready so early and i was on the road by 8:20 cause i had to be there by 10. who knew there was so much fucking traffic in the morning? you think people would need to be at work or something, not just chilling on the road like a bunch of fools. fools, man. i missed my exit because i forgot my directions and home and got lost trying to get back onto the freeway. i screamed at myself, at god, at the people in the cars next to me. it wasnt pretty.

by some act of jesus himself, i finally got there and filed orders and watched cathy (this aussie who swears a lot) show buyers the summer collections. it was amazing. i got to take some buyers orders and merchandise shit on the wall. i drank betsey johnson water. i want to stay there forever! i ate lunch at the tiara cafe next door and at green beans and corn and water. i felt so chic. it took me two hours to get home and that sucked, but it was all well worth it.

my butt hurts today from being in heels all day yesterday. does that mean i worked my sphinter muscle? i worked today, and that sucks cause i feel like i cant be creative. i like being around people, but im contemplating dropping wells fargo to work at one of the betsey retail shops. i would rather be happy at work and get a pay cut than hustle accounts at wells.

speaking of hustling, i bought new chloe boots on ebay (last season for only 130!!!) and michael kors black suede wedges i've always lusted after. i'm contempling purchasing a third pair. all good things come in threes right? like the three witches, and the moles on my face.

im mad because although victor is such a prick, i like him regardless. i think i need a pet and a new pair of shoes and it would solve all my problems.

this saturday, there is a going away party for julia in studio city! im so sad shes going / excited for us all to hang out! me and gloria were talking about it today. we are going to steez it up and go to the 101 in the morning.. it's going to be amazing!

new beginnings

its the start of a new year and i am hungover. 2006 was such a bizarre year for me. i hope 2007 is going to kick ass.