sometimes

you just got to say fuck it. no matter what you do and what you think you can do, sometimes somethings are beyond your repair. and all you got to say, is fuck it. it's so hard to just let it be because you think, maybe this time it will be different. and it never is. and you never stop being hurt because there is that glimmer of false hope that looms in the distance, ominously. you think people are different, that others dont know them like you do. that is all bullshit. people are different in fact, but not for the better. building them up in your mind is only going to hurt you more when they fall from grace. to all this, i say fuck it. fuck putting yourself in a position to get hurt. we all do it to ourselves and then when we do in fact get hurt, it's someone else's fault. accepting responsibility for feeling like this is fucked too. fuck trying, and fuck believing that things can turn out for the better, than it can turn out otherwise. there are so many wonderful things in this world, why get so caught up in the bad stuff, right? why do we forget about the good things when there are so many and one bad thing can just come and fuck it all up? i hope one day i can look back at all this and laugh.

let me just say this

saturday was such a lovely day. in the morning, i went to long beach and got new tires on my car and breakfast with my dad. bomb! then i headed up to jess's house and picked up jess and gloria.

at first, i was so scared about the bbq because i thought it was going to be a bro fest. but i was wrong! it was a sausage fest! right when we drove up, this little kid fell off of his scooter, and at that moment, as we all drove by him and laughed at his misfortune, i knew it would be a good day.

the bbq was so weird because everywhere we went, everyone would disappear! we would sit on a bench and then all the people would leave. we observed the most crooked tree you would ever see in your life. you know what's weird? there is so much random little shit around the world that if you just don't stop and look around at what's around you, you'll miss it!

we hung out in black pearl and put the air freshner on the roof and i forgot it there when i made a quick getaway when the 5-0 rolled into town. i ran over a banana (it looked like the warhol one, whatta trip) and it exploded all over my car and scared me so bad!

we went to the house and can you believe it, we did keg stands. none of us ever did it before, but i swear, if you saw us, you would think we were naturals.

we've always been the classiest of broads.

charlie was there! max was there! it felt like camping all over again, especially with the big tree in the corner. we talked and talked all night. it sounded like a chicken coop in there! everyone had something to say that was so epic that they would interrupt the other one. "wait wait let me just say this"

im so sad julia is leaving. last night made me think about all the good times from back in the day and all the good times that we missed out on when we werent friends for a while. that was sad but im happy that everyone said what they needed to say. me gloria and jess are gonna go visit julia in florida and it is going to be rad!

the toxic triplets

i woke up feeling so bad today. too bad for breakfast. hollywood, home, then sleep until 4:30. that's gross. i start school tomorrow! that shit is going to suck!

i applied for the h&m opening at the irvine spectrum. i hope i get it and peace out on wells! yay!!

just shoot me

so i know i was supposed to be controlling my spending and shit... but wow! i love all the vintage betsey johnson punk label shit.. and i love guns. what could be better? none of these end for another five days. shit! i hope i win!

today was another unproductive day at work. i think people are seeing through the cheery facade the awful human being that i am. oh well, we are all human. except for maxine nightingale, cause her song "right back where we started from" is too good to be from this planet!

it makes me want to dance like i got spiders in my pants, and i really like that.

i saw the jeremy scott/tsubi collaboration in the new nylon. jesus, zebra print skinny overalls?! holy shit, by next month, i will be a poor poor woman.

im going out to sushi tomorrow for ommid's birthday. i love going out to eat with my parents cause then you can eat whatever you want and get appetizers and desserts and not pay. that is the best!

things i want

i have a really bad shopping addiction. i am so good for a couple of months and then i left myself go just a weee bit and then im fucked again. balls! so i compose a list of things that i really really want and then for a couple of months, try to do everything in my power to not purchase anything outside of the list:

january/february list:
black riding boots with buckle details
puple and black nike dunks
thigh high boots
chanel no. 5 earrings, the one samantha wears in sex and the city
marimeko samosonite luggage
betsey johnson floral hot pants
camel trenchcoat


and that is it.. for now. i hope i can stick to it!!

jan 17, 2007

well yesterday was my first day interning at betsey johnson, and needless to say, it was amazing.

i was so proud of myself in the morning because i got up and got ready so early and i was on the road by 8:20 cause i had to be there by 10. who knew there was so much fucking traffic in the morning? you think people would need to be at work or something, not just chilling on the road like a bunch of fools. fools, man. i missed my exit because i forgot my directions and home and got lost trying to get back onto the freeway. i screamed at myself, at god, at the people in the cars next to me. it wasnt pretty.

by some act of jesus himself, i finally got there and filed orders and watched cathy (this aussie who swears a lot) show buyers the summer collections. it was amazing. i got to take some buyers orders and merchandise shit on the wall. i drank betsey johnson water. i want to stay there forever! i ate lunch at the tiara cafe next door and at green beans and corn and water. i felt so chic. it took me two hours to get home and that sucked, but it was all well worth it.

my butt hurts today from being in heels all day yesterday. does that mean i worked my sphinter muscle? i worked today, and that sucks cause i feel like i cant be creative. i like being around people, but im contemplating dropping wells fargo to work at one of the betsey retail shops. i would rather be happy at work and get a pay cut than hustle accounts at wells.

speaking of hustling, i bought new chloe boots on ebay (last season for only 130!!!) and michael kors black suede wedges i've always lusted after. i'm contempling purchasing a third pair. all good things come in threes right? like the three witches, and the moles on my face.

im mad because although victor is such a prick, i like him regardless. i think i need a pet and a new pair of shoes and it would solve all my problems.

this saturday, there is a going away party for julia in studio city! im so sad shes going / excited for us all to hang out! me and gloria were talking about it today. we are going to steez it up and go to the 101 in the morning.. it's going to be amazing!

new beginnings

its the start of a new year and i am hungover. 2006 was such a bizarre year for me. i hope 2007 is going to kick ass.