i have not sold myself to GOD

just can't get enough

2011-06-24T12:35:00.001-07:00

will lie, cheat, swindle, pillage, etc., for this

cause it's just another step closer to this:

drinking nighttrain and eating $2.99 biscuits and gravy from dennys just isnt going to cut it anymore.

new years resolutions

2010-12-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

this is a working list of resolutions i am determined to keep this year:

1. dont date boys that have been to jail
2.

now I'm smelling like Indonesia

2010-10-22T22:05:00.000-07:00

I am officially in a funk and no amount of Kate Spade Sunglasses print dresses or mouths-smoking-cigarettes print blouses can get me out of it (although they did help with the initial sting of the realization of said funk). I entertained several ways to jump start my lackluster 'joie de divre' but short of remy martin + soda pop combos or eating away my feelings, I have been coming up short. I think I am going to first start with cleaning out all the bullshit I have in my closet. The scary thing is, I have grown so emotionally attached to my bullshit because it isn't just crap I picked up at the local Forever 21. It's treasures I have hunted for, high and low, Indiana Jones-style, like the 80s Prince-printed carnival mirrors, the terrycloth Hanoi Rocks banner, the 70s Marlboro Red printed umbrella. If I don't do something to stop the hoarding now, down the road I will end up wearing oversized necklaces I find at craft fairs and tapestry coats and smelling of cat urine. I'm going to make an effort to wear everything I own and if not, it is out. At least if I can see for myself how ridiculous I look in a hot pink Comme des Garcons tube skirt, it will make it a lot easier to unload my shit.

On a more somber note, Nate Dogg has yet to redevelop his ability to speak. When he sings, it is like angels play harps in heaven. I hope everything works out for him, not only for my sake, but for the future of the hip hop industry as we know it.

sigh

2010-09-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

thunders

stradlin

monroe

verlaine. only in my dreams.

shocked

2010-05-24T19:46:00.000-07:00

I cant believe I managed to let this slip through my fingers...

on my neverending life quest of becoming more like...

i am BLOWING it!

i blame the lack of blogginess. i use this blog basically as a reminder of all of the awesome shit i should be constantly on the lookout for. i will never have a moment of peace until that lip service jacket becomes mine.

ps. starting blogging again.

dear blog

2010-02-14T00:27:00.001-08:00

i miss you. im coming back, baby!

catching up

2009-09-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

after a lackluster spring (and yet another lackluster spring to follow (thus far)) fall has knocked me on my ass as far as amazing shit that is out there that i need in my life now. a sampling of the list:

david wyatt maypole shoes. i love the shape and the color. i've never been known to kick a whimsical shoe out of bed

so these nina ricci boots are the closest thing i will ever come to the heel-less runway versions. i think i need to give my chloe boots a day off and try these babies out for size

i want to live right there in this 1960s kitchen. i want to be that woman that serves chocolate icebox cake right next to the carousel horses and candy striped stools. AMAZING

if i were a 1940s film noir movie star, or a person that makes more money than your average 16 year old, i would glady wear this vintage crepe gown with spiderweb bead detailing to death. i am more willing to drop a little extra money on amazing vintage just because i know im not going to find it for 80% off at the barneys warehouse sale at the end of the season

why hellllooo charlotte olympia wedges. these behemoth wedges look straight out of a tim burton movie. im actively working on losing my tan. once i turn a satisfactory shade of alabaster, maybe ill reward myself with this masterpiece

Thea cadabra shoes. i would be hesitant to even refer to these gems as shoes. more like wearable art. the difficult decision now is to decide which one to order. there is the fabulous rain storm shoe

bat shoes

ice cream shoes

how have these shoes flown under my radar for so long?

also, i would like to own these diamante bow chloe shoes. let it be said, though, that the salesgirls at chloe are in their own league of cuntliness. they make the too-cool-to-live salespeople at marc by marc jacobs seem almost human

these chanel shoes that i never saw in stores, but only saw in a size 10 on bluefly. it's like my michelin man meets mary quant fantasy mmmmm

that's it.. for today anyway. also, how lame are the spring shows shaping up to be? Danielle Scutt and Basso & Brooke have been the only ones whose shows i've loved. at least ill be able to give my credit cards a break next season. that is only if paris and milan are a let down too!

welcome back

2009-03-02T20:52:00.001-08:00

the ebay gods have been smiling down upon me as of late. after an endless string of disappointments, much like my life, things are finally turning around. things i want from topshop end up in my order (that NEVER happens!) so you know im operating on some serious luck here. my closet has never been better! example:

comme des garcons fall 2007 3-d hand skirt. who needs the warm embrace of a boyfriend when my hips can be embraced by disembodied pepto bismol pink stuffed hands?

finally, after what seems like decades, i got the damn miu miu teacup shoes. even more glorious than i had imagined. when i put them on, it's like i'm straight out of one of lewis carroll's pyschotic cocaine dazes and thrust into the not-so-magical burbs of orange county.

topshop unique leotard. completely useless but now i can rest easy at night knowing it is safe within the confines of my closet. maybe i'll wear it to coachella? your options tend to be limited in 839045 degree weather.

another reason why i love etsy: it will bring me closer to my japanese horror rodarte dreams than the sad, stretched seafoam green metallic knits at nordstrom rack ever will. this fabulous etsyer knit them for me and although i haven't worn them out, just putting them on and prancing around the house has been satiating enough.

ok so i know i totally work at betsey johnson, and i should have enough betsey dresses in my arsenal to last me several lifetimes, i still troll the bay for amazing dresses i missed out on, e.g., this seashell print silk babydoll dress with smocking and a peter pan collar. it's practically begging to get the courtney love treatment, and i'm gonna be the one to give it to it.

yet, true to my gender's age-old afflictions, i remain unsatisfied. i still want:

a moschino gingerbread man clutch. i mean obvs, totally essential.

early 90s chanel pailette covered bra top. i would wear this with an oversized boyfriend blazer and silk/rayon blend harem pants, all while smoking benson & hedges cigarettes and watching melrose place re-runs.

chanel ice cream print dress. amazing, right? this happens to be one of the not-so-rare instances for me on ebay that the model is totally killing it for me (killing it in a bad way (not bad like 'dude, you are so bad!' but bad bad). did they really have to put this beautiful piece on a tranny built like one of the real housewives of orange county? ick. whatever, i still put a bid on it. eeeks!

a mickey mouse print vintage fur coat. amazing! and $1800?!?! dream on, japanese ebay seller, dream on. totally reminds me of the gypsies trying to sell $800 miu miu brocade coats even though they are like from ages ago, and refuse to answer my numerous messages about accepting my best offer. i hope ebay smites you with sky high relisting fees.

like this amazing miu miu dress from quite possibly the best collection ever, spring 2008. $741, dear british seller? shit i really want it, let's pray i can harass them into selling it to me for a more reasonable price.

normally, i would never endorse any product sold under the pseudonym "rockstar clothing," but in this instance, i must make an exception. case in point, pepe le pew t-shirt, as worn by slash in the use your illusion tour dvds. with my skinny leather topshop pants and this shirt, all i need is a gay cellphone holder clipped to my waistband, and i'm basically mr. hudson (don't think i didnt see that lame ass picture of slash with the cellphone clipped to his waistband. talk about killing the fantasy!)!.

with this coat, i'm straight out of 1988 london. all i need is my marc jacobs zippered boots and a really skinny boyfriend who sneers and spits a lot. it's coats like these that make me wish i had an accent. ughh.

marc jacobs fall 2007 jumpsuit. i would slick my hair back, wear ysl red lipstick, and take on many young lovers in this jazzy little number. pray i get my paws on this one- it's hard to come by!

i know, i know. totally quinceanera meets scarlett o'hara meets hallmark valentines day card, but im such a sucker for hearts, chiffon, tulle, bows, studs, or zippers. 3 out of the 6 accoutrements that usually determine whether or not i want something badly means i should definitely get it. imagine if anything, ANYTHING, were to come out with hearts, chiffon, tulle, bows, studs, and zippers, all at once?! i think i would immediately fall to the floor in a fit of seizures and totally blow a blood vessel in my brain.

that's it for now. my credit cards are quivering in fear.

sick

2009-01-05T22:09:00.000-08:00

so this year, i expanded my vocabulary (yes!) but failed to curb my shopping habit (no!). i guess one out of two new years resolutions is decent. this coming may, me julia and gloria are going to london, spain, and most importantly, paris. every purchase since the hatching of our crackpot idea has me thinking "hmm, how will this look while i'm strolling down the champs elysees?" unfortunately for my bank account, more times than not, the answer is FABULOUS!

recent proof

spring 08 ysl sleeveless jersey blazer. with my high waisted leather skinny pants from topshop. channeling kate lanphear. mmmmm

speaking of kate, she is the sole reason i had to own these stella wedges. the picture of her weaing the black bootie versions haunted my days and nights. creepy.

my hats off to topshop for making the best bootlegs in the biz (take notes, ioffer with your nasty fake louboutins. eew) thanks for giving me a lucious piece of miu miu spring '08 without the $1250, calorie-laden price tag.

i promise, i will kick the topshop habit soon. high waisted, black denim hotpants with gold studs all over the sides. one would think i would look like a mexican or mayan warrior in this ensemble, but that one would think wrong. i look like the malnourished love child of carine and david lee roth.

and i've currently got my sights set on these bad boys

totally amazing sheer body con dress. kind of robert palmer video girl meets alexander wang's similar number.

i know i'm not gamine enough to pull off the jean seberg bullshit, but with this by malene birger top i might have to give it a go.

studded cross body leather bag from topshop, since my bat cross body bag so conveniently became a handheld clutch after both straps broke causing me to lo

so new wave romantic. it's like adam ant at a jazz club. just when you think it doesn't work, you're like, hey man, it totally makes sense.

there is nothing more i want from this world than to own some rodarte fall '08 deconstructed knits. unfortunately for me, nordstrom rack has like two seafoam green/sparkly cowl neck sleeveless jumpers for like $400 each. i think i'll pass and snatch up with homemade, seditionaries style jumper. aaannddd

some of the matching leggings too. my awesomeness would know no bounds.

i totally want these ysl boots from ebay too. i walk like a cave man, so may shoe choices are limited to wedges and boots. ok ok ok this boot in paris? insane!

i went to palm springs this weekend and had an amazing time. school starts next week (a little bit of my joy dies every time i think that), but it is my last semester!

2009 has the makings to be a very very good year!

broke

2008-10-06T23:43:00.000-07:00

ok so i could look at the new us topshop site for HOURS. i swear, it's like my personal porn. somebody grab me some ky and a kleenex! nothing does me like an adorable cocktail dress.

recent acquisitions

bernhard willhelm cutout skirt

topshop bat purse and musical note p

little drummer girl vintage 60s dress. i think i want it shortened. with my thigh high leather boots.. oh child!

here is the real question keeping me up at night.. do i keep these chanel tights? i bought two, one to sell on ebay, and one as a little something something for myself. will these be a classic piece i can bust out on any occassion, or are they so special that they date themselves specifically to this season??

almost acquisitions (there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think of that saints dress)

to be acquired in the future

LaRok dress. holy hell

from left to right: topshop bootleg miu miu brocade mini dress, bootleg balmain tuxedo jacket (but it's soooo stooges-era iggy meets david johansen right??!) and just a lovely little frock.

westwood platforms. of course in my size. yes please.

these leg avenue zipper backed knee highs. love them!

on another note, me and julia are launching yankee rose in the next few weeks. I can't wait to take the eBay world by storm!

on another note, i will be turning tricks in your local neighborhoods to help fuel my addiction. if you see me on your corner, holla

things are looking up

2008-08-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

there is much reason to be joyful on this gorgeous day: i am the proud mother of these glorious boots. marc by marc f/w 08 09. so incredible. they are like the lovechild of comme des garcons and ann demeulemeester. i have been wearing them nonstop since they arrived on my doorstep yesterday. i never knew what love was, until these boots. sorry, chloe platforms. suckers.

after shelling out an ungodly amount of money on these babies, i swore myself i would kick cold turkey, at least for a couple of months. of course, never the poster child for fidelity, my eye tends to wander.

like take these amazing, glam rock lightning bolt heeled miu miu pumps. definitely a markdown purchase but ahh anything with a hint of michael monroe and i am a believer.

vivienne westwood pirate boots in black. i was thinking maybe the brown. but regardless, definitely a timeless wardrobe staple. westwood is a piece of history. i would like a piece of that pie.

vintage majorette costume. i can't put my finger on it, but something about this hot little number just drives me wild. i think it would be so adorable for a night on the town, with some black opaque tights and black platforms, and of course, a sunny disposition on life. ahh!

vintage norma kamali dolman sleeve dress. i love the red and black together and i love the way she drapes the jersey in all her pieces. ahhh must have!

h&m pleather skirt. layered accordingly, this could be the skirt i wear more than any other skirt i have ever owned, knocking the busted silver sequin skirt out of its place.

finally, as a replacement for my beautiful leather jackets that were so viciously stolen from me one doomed night several weeks ago, this christopher kane for topshop leather jacket. looks like mike and chris but with more detailing, and hundreds cheaper. i also find that once you let the hysteria die down on designer collaboration collections, you can score the pieces for super cheap. only $200 for this gem!

in life news, i hope this Stylist tv thing pulls through and i get to be on the show for sure. and i hope i get lots of free clothes and that i don't look like a kook on television! and that i win! i want to fulfill my life dream of wearing all black, and like j peterman black slacks, smoking capris, telling people they look fabulous and be hideously overpaid for it. a girl can always dream!

in more life news, my boyfriend comes home from Virginia after what feels like a lifetime. i can't wait to see him!

everybody from the hood is up to no good

2008-07-29T22:35:00.000-07:00

my favorite runway show to date is the s/s 06 number (n)ine mens show. there have been few shows that have hit so close to home.

perfection. this is inspiration at its finest.

i have been ebaying like a mad woman lately. for a long while, i was experiencing a serious losing streak. and much to my bank account's detriment, not anymore. recent victories:

near mint condition chanel 04 cruise collection ice cream print shoes. chanel is instant class. i could wear these with assless pleather chaps and booby tassles and i'd still make people go 'you know, she reminds me of a young jackie o.'

detachable ostrich feather collar. im thinking paired with a leather bomber jacket and skinny jeans, or over my winter coats, with some serious eyebrows and not much else. i just hope it doesn't smell weird or shed like crazy.

anna sui suit. the skirt is super high waisted too. only 31 dollars. im going to take it to the tailor and make it fit like a glove. white gloves, pillbox hat, and my platform chloe boots to not make it so costumey. mmmm

these vintage platforms are a 10. i cant wait to see what i can concoct with these bad boys.

i just got this vintage betsey dress in the mail today. it reminds me so much of miu miu spring 08. since i don't have $1225 to spend on a dress, this is the next best thing. the fit is incredible but i'm having trouble making a complete, wearable outfit with it. usually, i would throw my leather motorcycle jacket over it and wear it with some boots, but my vehicle was ransacked for many precious belongings, including leather jackets, ipod dock, boots, my magnificent cd case that held the true treasures of music past, and other things. gone gone gone. the world is an ugly place. at least i buy pretty things to make it a little less gray.

and currently, i've got my sights set on these bad boys:

how chic is this chanel dress? with my thigh high skinny leather boots. and fingerless leather gloves. and a capri. im totally swooning.

i want to wear these with skinny, cropped, high waisted black tuxedo pants with my hands in my pockets and a brooding look on my face.

so angry that i need another, but completely necessary.

is this a little too 90s? i think i had one like this when i was a child. im about to be 22 in a few weeks, so i need to recapture as much of my fleeting youth as possible.

it's actually pistachio colored. with a pretty flower brooch and some black tights, i think this would be a good drinking and dancing dress.

this is actually from satine's website and i really really want it but i just cant justify spending hundreds on it. this calls for operation bootleg.

finally, i am desperately in love with this jacket. i want to wear it with hotpants and thigh high boots, or skinny white jeans and a white cravat and black beatle boots and my chanel chain sunglasses. id totally keep the shoulder pads in there too. look at that silhouette. it makes me all tingly thinking about it.

if anyone has the number to a good group therapy for shopping addicts, i would be terribly interested. i saw the mtv true life 'i have a shopping addiction' and these girls were like 20 grand in debt for wet seal and forever 21 shit. so so sad. go big, or go home.

GIBBONS!

2008-06-10T22:48:00.000-07:00

I was watching the news tonight when a particular news item struck a chord...a chord about the gibbons!

In my Saddleback anthropology class a couple of years ago we went on an extra credit field trip to the gibbons conservation center up in santa clarita. Once i saw those cute endangered gibbons humping their cages, i knew i was a goner. Since then, I have discovered that you can volunteer to live at the dorms at the Gibbons center (minimum 1 month and you cant leave) and help take care of the gibbons. as soon as i am done with my last semester (fall) that is exactly what i intend on doing. im planning my steez to be jane goodall meets eva gabor in green acres. goodbye city life!

anyway, they are developing new housing projects in santa clarita dangerously close the once isolated gibbons center. the noise is scaring the gibbons and there is a chance they might catch valley fever from the construction. alan (the gibbon man/master/myth) wants to move the center up to ventura where they will have a lot more room and isolation.

they need money to move the gibbons! just $10 buys enough vitamins for one gibbon for one month. imagine a gibbon eating a vitamin that you bought it...adorable!

http://www.gibboncenter.org/contribute.htm
have a heart, put down your cheeseburgers and throw some pocket change to our primate friends.

in other news, i haven't blogged in quite some time. i was trying to make it a regular thing, but no dice. i'm a busy lady.

i bought a new bathing suit: isn't it gorgeous? i want to carry a black parasol and then drown myself in the ocean. Oh! and I bought this Betsey Johnson one on the right too. i think everyone is going to call me granny with that kind of high waist but i can take the criticism. assholes.

I'm also in a watching frenzy on ebay.

I want this vintage tux jacket so i can put a sneer on my face, howl, and try to look like david johansen. the right moves with this jacket? dangerous

so this luella jacket is totally gauche and im totally in love with it.

karen walker bloomers. adorable! seriously no one is going to want to hang out with me once i throw these babies on. they will feel infinitely threatened by my nonthreatening-adorableness. plus, i only have a couple more years of wearing this kind of stuff. then it just wont be cute anymore. more sad than anything. theyll say, 'look at the poor old crow trying to recapture her youth. sucker.'

and finally, an ivory telephone purse. i dont know why i love these things so much but i have several and im not a big believer in singular things. singular telephone purses, singular bathing suits...

oh.. i also want this too.

it's axl's tattoo. i kind of want to put it on one of my leather jackets.. but im slightly apprehensive. hmm.

wish me luck!

new years resolutions

2007-12-30T11:42:00.000-08:00

so far..

stop buying clothes
expand my vocabulary
wash my car once a week
donate some time to charitable causes
paint more

that's it so far.

note to self

2007-06-20T22:12:00.000-07:00

things to buy (even though i am not allowed to after those chanel sunglasses):

eley kishimoto spider print socks
nice black t shirt
baby pink patent dr martens (8 holes)

more to come

where the white boys at?

2007-04-08T21:14:00.000-07:00

so do you know anything about Marx's theory of historical materialism? shit, neither do i. when you think school cannot get any more boring, you take Econ 331, Economies in Transition, and you realize, shit, it can.

h&m opens this friday. i work 2-11. im kind of excited. im also kind of sad because i work at one of those h&ms that dont have all the cute shit. it's mediocre, at best. great.

romans sold nightrain to me last week and they didn't even card me! scandalous! it probably helped that I went in with Jess and he knows her, but still. The man there used to sell nightrain to Axl. That made it THAT much more appealing!! We also found two nice chairs on the street so we took them. I hope no one peed in them. ew!

I'm taking a permanent vacation from men and being nice. And at this moment, I am praying that I find the willpower to complete my two essays for my econ class, and my study guide, and then study for my statistics test that is tomorrow as well. SHTI SHIT SHIT JGDKJH

cant always get what you want

2007-03-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

1. sass and bide black indian tale jeans. dani told this man at the cafe once that she liked his pants and he was wearing them and lied and said they were vintage and he didnt know where they were from. liar

i had to write it before i forgot!

give me all your gold

2007-03-18T22:20:00.000-07:00

im falling back in love with the world and im loving it!

i got the soundtrack to me you and everyone we know the other day and i took the tollroad to school and got lost in the fog and the music was playing and it was amazing. it was like the movie of my life. and on a joyride by cody chesnutt? i usually hate shit like that but i dont hate it. i love it!

i bought a betsey johnson punk label black one piece bustier thing on ebay. it was kinda like those balenciaga onesie things from like 2 years ago. so i put it in the washer. and pulled it out in shreds. AWESOME. it sucked!

i got some girls cause i couldnt get 'beast of burden' outta my head and the entire album makes me so happy! and i saw rock and roll circus today with victor and that was so good too! and we had so much fun today and that made me happy too. and i bought these smart puffs from henrys cause i thought it was pirates booty, but they were not-that-bad-for-you cheetos. yum! i ate the entire bag in 10 minutes though. once a fatass, always a fatass.

i start h&m on saturday and i am sooo excited! i promised i would stop buying lots of small retarded things like i like to do (80s prince purple rain carnival mirrors, im looking at you) and buy one awesome thing, like chloe silverado platforms. im hoping since they are a couple seasons old now, i can get them at a steep discount. the day i spend $800 on shoes.. well that will be a joyous day

they are the prettiest things i have ever seen.. next to my current obsessions:

who the fuck would make amazing sandals like this other than marc jacobs. i want to wear these and smoke cigarettes while wearing them. that would make me the steeziest lady ever. next to..

irina lazareanu. why is she so perfect? looking at her makes me want to bring back the bangs, but i always end up looking like joey ramone. maybe next time, it will be different, i keep thinking. i can only pray. i want to do the nico/penelope tree/cher thing, so ill have another go at it. im still young. anyway, i decided when im getting married im going to wear this chanel haute couture ensemble. ive got the dress, all i need is the groom. izzy?

i know these miu miu baroque wedges are old too, but i hope i can get this at a discount too. how the fuck are ebay sellers still trying to sell these badboys for $600?? i guess cause it's art and fashion at the same time. i bet if i wore these, someone would steal me and put me in a museum. they are that great.

isnt this mini dress the best? it reminds me of this dress in the new chloe spring ads, and then of course, while i was so close to winning it, i was miraculously outbid. shit shit shit!! i love the ruffles and the buttons and the velvet. we could have been so happy together..

I know i dont have anyone to wear this for, but me in this anna sui cami would be bomb. thats right, i just used "bomb." i would wear it over a slip and just wear it, it is so pretty.

and last but not least, this wonderful betsey johnson dress i have been lusting for a week on ebay. no one EVER bids on betsey johnson shit on ebay. i guess she just isnt in high demand, unless it's the alley cat or punk label stuff. but this dress was going to be mine, and id wear it with my 40 hole docs and leather jacket and a sneer. we were going to conquer the world, me and this dress. and then some fucker outbid me. i hate you!

it went for around $250 and im guessing it was from the mid nineties. what is wrong with the world?

i swear most of this shit i have bid on on ebay and someone is cyber stalking me to outbid me on everything i want. and then i end up winning the shit im not crazy about. im going to find that person, and burn down their parents house while they sleep.

but i want to start saving 200 dollars a month so i have enough money to put in a cd so it's away from my sweaty paws.

and a subscription to womens wear daily ($124)

and some karen walker tv eye sunglasses ($300)

and getting my ipods battery replaced ($80)

and finally paying off the last of my american express bill ($700, down from $2500)

fuck! im not made of money!

especially with my h&m discount and first pick at all the lovely designer knock offs... this is going to be tough. to say the least.

lust for life/shopping/acquiring trash

2007-02-23T20:14:00.000-08:00

jesus! how am i supposed to save money when there are so many goodies in the world?

that LRG dead serious sweater is so cool. im just sad because they dont make it in anything smaller than a mens medium, so its our for me, but if i was cool and shit, i would totally wear it. the eyes are see through so you can zip it up all the way and terrorize whoever lies within your path undercover without them being able to pick you out in a line up. and it has a gold grill!! this is painful!

I am in love with these betsey johnson wedges. they remind me of the apartment of that rich lady in "An American in Paris." i keep trying to come up with what i can pair these bad boys with in my closet so i can not feel so bad about making this purchase. but they are so pretty i feel like i can frame them, and that would be enough. i would like to drink my coffee in the morning and just look at them. they are 175 on sale. maybe i will wait until they become 125.

i want these badly. they are tara subkoff for easy spirit and i dont know, the shape is giving me the willies. and i like it. not as amazing as those super high gladiator sandals she made from way back when that everyone told me not to buy, because they are assholes and that is the biggest mistake i ever made, but bitchin nonetheless.

i just bought this gorgeous vintage black one piece betsey johnson boustier. i hope i dont look like an asshole in it. i need to get rich, or marry rich. shit

buyers remorse

2007-02-19T12:42:00.000-08:00

i am so excited! i just put my name on the waiting lists at two macys to get that new sparkly hologram chanel nail polish. ive been trying to make a big effort to not spend money lately, but really, as long as i pay my bills, who gives a shit? my goal is to save 200 dollars a month. i dont know what im going to spend it on, but by the end of the year i want a couple thousand saved up. i used to have lots of money saved, but i spent it on junk. im lame.

i want to save up some money to visit julia in florida come may or june, when school is over. hopefully i hit all my sales goals at the bank so i get a big bonus and i can use it for that and to go to new york with victor.

oh victor victor victor. we were talking about going to new york together again but since he paid for me last time, i would have to get his ticket and we would go 50/50 on the hotel. i would love to go to new york again. i miss it so much. all the people and the shopping. and this time i want to see ellis island and go to little italy and check out the fashion walk of fame on 7th and spend some more time somewhere rad like greenwich village. at least if we go he can never hold that over my head again. i hate that shit.

i hung out with him last week and we had so much fun. we went out to dinner and shit and had some strange experiences but i dont remember laughing so hard with him for such a long time. in a couple of months, it's going to be a year since we have been together. it's weird to even think that especially since we still hang out and i dont know, still do all the retarded shit we always do like sit on the same side of the table and snuggle and everything. i miss him so much sometimes but there is nothing i can do. i dont want to like anyone else and i cant and even talking to other boys makes me feel guilty cause i know my heart is with him. oh well. there is nothing i can do i guess.

i just get so mad cause it's like what the fuck victor. you tell me you still love me and then act suprised when i get sad about this kind of stuff. he knows exactly what he does that hurts my feelings and that pisses me off the most. i hope i see him tomorrow. ill pull his leg hair.

its raining outside and im so happy im home. i have four tests this week and i should be studying, but im thinking about doing some damage to the brownies i have in the refrigerator. the heater is on, a marathon of the real housewives of orange county is on, and ive got my fluffy robe on and my hair is dirty. so perfect. i just hope it doesnt rain tomorrow when i have to go up to la. people drive like assholes enough, but for some reason, they really kick it into high gear when it starts to rain. shit. well, back to the television like a fat ass.

we could have been so happy together

2007-02-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

there are lots of things on ebay that i get excited about. but most of the time, nothing really takes my breath away. that is.. until i uncovered some gorgeous early 90s chanel sunglasses and a bernhard willhelm dinosaur skirt. i was so excited and ready to put myself into debt for these rare treasures and then of course, i end up getting outbid. shit!! that makes me so angry. i was looking at all the other stuff that the other bidders were bidding on, and i wanted to outbid them just to ruin their day, like they ruined mine. but i got scared. next time. gypsies

it brings a tear to my eye. i got to hang out with the lovely twins lucy and clara last night before lucy packs up and flies away to korea for six months. we had a chocolate chip calzone at claim jumper and much to my dismay, a really awful lemon bar brulee. lucy said if you email and complain, they send you a gift certificate. interesting.. and quite tempting!

my favorite song in the world right now is hong kong garden by siouxsie and the banshees. they play it all the time at betsey johnson because she used it in her fall fashion show that they play over and over again and now i cant get it out of my head. better than fergie though, and much less embarassing.

i got a call from hm the other day. interviews for part time are going to start being set up next week. im so excited. i hope i can con them into liking me. so far, so good. ive always had a way with the ladies!!!

sometimes

2007-01-23T00:35:00.000-08:00

you just got to say fuck it. no matter what you do and what you think you can do, sometimes somethings are beyond your repair. and all you got to say, is fuck it. it's so hard to just let it be because you think, maybe this time it will be different. and it never is. and you never stop being hurt because there is that glimmer of false hope that looms in the distance, ominously. you think people are different, that others dont know them like you do. that is all bullshit. people are different in fact, but not for the better. building them up in your mind is only going to hurt you more when they fall from grace. to all this, i say fuck it. fuck putting yourself in a position to get hurt. we all do it to ourselves and then when we do in fact get hurt, it's someone else's fault. accepting responsibility for feeling like this is fucked too. fuck trying, and fuck believing that things can turn out for the better, than it can turn out otherwise. there are so many wonderful things in this world, why get so caught up in the bad stuff, right? why do we forget about the good things when there are so many and one bad thing can just come and fuck it all up? i hope one day i can look back at all this and laugh.

let me just say this

2007-01-21T18:17:00.000-08:00

saturday was such a lovely day. in the morning, i went to long beach and got new tires on my car and breakfast with my dad. bomb! then i headed up to jess's house and picked up jess and gloria.

at first, i was so scared about the bbq because i thought it was going to be a bro fest. but i was wrong! it was a sausage fest! right when we drove up, this little kid fell off of his scooter, and at that moment, as we all drove by him and laughed at his misfortune, i knew it would be a good day.

the bbq was so weird because everywhere we went, everyone would disappear! we would sit on a bench and then all the people would leave. we observed the most crooked tree you would ever see in your life. you know what's weird? there is so much random little shit around the world that if you just don't stop and look around at what's around you, you'll miss it!

we hung out in black pearl and put the air freshner on the roof and i forgot it there when i made a quick getaway when the 5-0 rolled into town. i ran over a banana (it looked like the warhol one, whatta trip) and it exploded all over my car and scared me so bad!

we went to the house and can you believe it, we did keg stands. none of us ever did it before, but i swear, if you saw us, you would think we were naturals.

we've always been the classiest of broads.

charlie was there! max was there! it felt like camping all over again, especially with the big tree in the corner. we talked and talked all night. it sounded like a chicken coop in there! everyone had something to say that was so epic that they would interrupt the other one. "wait wait let me just say this"

im so sad julia is leaving. last night made me think about all the good times from back in the day and all the good times that we missed out on when we werent friends for a while. that was sad but im happy that everyone said what they needed to say. me gloria and jess are gonna go visit julia in florida and it is going to be rad!

the toxic triplets

i woke up feeling so bad today. too bad for breakfast. hollywood, home, then sleep until 4:30. that's gross. i start school tomorrow! that shit is going to suck!

i applied for the h&m opening at the irvine spectrum. i hope i get it and peace out on wells! yay!!

just shoot me

2007-01-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

so i know i was supposed to be controlling my spending and shit... but wow! i love all the vintage betsey johnson punk label shit.. and i love guns. what could be better? none of these end for another five days. shit! i hope i win!

today was another unproductive day at work. i think people are seeing through the cheery facade the awful human being that i am. oh well, we are all human. except for maxine nightingale, cause her song "right back where we started from" is too good to be from this planet!

it makes me want to dance like i got spiders in my pants, and i really like that.

i saw the jeremy scott/tsubi collaboration in the new nylon. jesus, zebra print skinny overalls?! holy shit, by next month, i will be a poor poor woman.

im going out to sushi tomorrow for ommid's birthday. i love going out to eat with my parents cause then you can eat whatever you want and get appetizers and desserts and not pay. that is the best!

things i want

2007-01-17T19:57:00.000-08:00

i have a really bad shopping addiction. i am so good for a couple of months and then i left myself go just a weee bit and then im fucked again. balls! so i compose a list of things that i really really want and then for a couple of months, try to do everything in my power to not purchase anything outside of the list:

january/february list:
black riding boots with buckle details
puple and black nike dunks
thigh high boots
chanel no. 5 earrings, the one samantha wears in sex and the city
marimeko samosonite luggage
betsey johnson floral hot pants
camel trenchcoat

and that is it.. for now. i hope i can stick to it!!

jan 17, 2007

2007-01-17T19:33:00.000-08:00

well yesterday was my first day interning at betsey johnson, and needless to say, it was amazing.

i was so proud of myself in the morning because i got up and got ready so early and i was on the road by 8:20 cause i had to be there by 10. who knew there was so much fucking traffic in the morning? you think people would need to be at work or something, not just chilling on the road like a bunch of fools. fools, man. i missed my exit because i forgot my directions and home and got lost trying to get back onto the freeway. i screamed at myself, at god, at the people in the cars next to me. it wasnt pretty.

by some act of jesus himself, i finally got there and filed orders and watched cathy (this aussie who swears a lot) show buyers the summer collections. it was amazing. i got to take some buyers orders and merchandise shit on the wall. i drank betsey johnson water. i want to stay there forever! i ate lunch at the tiara cafe next door and at green beans and corn and water. i felt so chic. it took me two hours to get home and that sucked, but it was all well worth it.

my butt hurts today from being in heels all day yesterday. does that mean i worked my sphinter muscle? i worked today, and that sucks cause i feel like i cant be creative. i like being around people, but im contemplating dropping wells fargo to work at one of the betsey retail shops. i would rather be happy at work and get a pay cut than hustle accounts at wells.

speaking of hustling, i bought new chloe boots on ebay (last season for only 130!!!) and michael kors black suede wedges i've always lusted after. i'm contempling purchasing a third pair. all good things come in threes right? like the three witches, and the moles on my face.

im mad because although victor is such a prick, i like him regardless. i think i need a pet and a new pair of shoes and it would solve all my problems.

this saturday, there is a going away party for julia in studio city! im so sad shes going / excited for us all to hang out! me and gloria were talking about it today. we are going to steez it up and go to the 101 in the morning.. it's going to be amazing!

new beginnings

2007-01-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

its the start of a new year and i am hungover. 2006 was such a bizarre year for me. i hope 2007 is going to kick ass.